Sexy Time

It's a little weird, looking at my wife's calendar, and seeing a little mark for every time we've had sex in the last month or so. That is apparently one of those things you have to do when you want to get knocked up. No, not the sex--that's not important. What's important is keeping track of things, apparently.

Carly and I really decided to start the baby dance about three or four months ago. We have been decidedly unscientific. We originally planned for her to go off of birth control on April Fool's Day. We thought that was awfully funny. But then there were quirks. She missed a period in March and decided, fuck it, why wait?

Carly had been on birth control of one sort or another since she was a teenager. In fact, she's pretty much never missed a pill. There were never any concerns about accidental pregnancies with us, and we were tested and clean, so other forms of contraceptives were not required. Depending on the kinds of birth control she was on, Carly's sex drive would either be in overdrive or in park. The last prescription she had put her pretty much in the menopausal category, and she'd rather have a glass of sherry and read a magazine than get naked. It wasn't a chore, but it was definitely me who initiated sex during that time.

This is what gets me in trouble.

In January, Carly's new doctor changed her prescription to something low-dose, and the changes were instant and quite dramatic. I remember one night--it was a typical Wednesday--I was sitting at the table around 10:00PM, doinking around on my laptop, and Carly goes and jumps into bed. She asks, "What are you doing?" I told her I was playing a game or something. "Why?" she asked. Again--I was used to Carly going to bed meaning that Carly was going to bed. 10:00 was early, but not that early. So she ultimately croons, "You should come to bed. Now." And I did. It's been a fun couple of months.

But in March, she missed a period. We had already decided to start the kid process, but hadn't really done any planning, prepping, or anything. The idea was to just stop with the birth control and see how it goes. If there were complications or if we weren't able to have kids, we'd just adopt another dog and get a new Fiat. Seemed like a solid thing. Carly took a couple of pregnancy tests and they came back negative, so no big deal.

But it was a big deal, actually. In those two or three days when she was wondering why she missed her period, we started to mentally prepare for the possibility of a child. And in Carly's estimation, we'd waited long enough. After she took the pregnancy tests, she stopped taking the birth control. I should mention that she didn't tell me for a day or two, and when she did, it was in passing conversation. She said, "oh, I haven't taken them since Thursday," and I was like, "WHUUUUUUUTTTT???" Especially considering that we'd gotten all sloppy that morning. And the night before. Did I mention that Carly was suddenly a teenager? It was awesome.

Anyway, the biological barriers have been down since mid-March. And now my sex life is plotted out on some calendar in some app in her phone. A more serious tally than in any high school locker room on the planet. Indeed.