My mother died last week. She had been living with lung/brain/bone cancer for about 6 years, and ultimately died due to shit related to the lung cancer part.
I edited her obituary:
Debra Lee Diroll (69) of Ravenna passed away Monday, December 26, 2022 at her home surrounded by her family. She was born July 16, 1953 in Cleveland, Ohio to Thomas and Patricia (Hall) Ebner. Debra was a U.S. Army veteran and worked as an executive secretary for various companies and in the produce department of Giant Eagle.
Debra loved her pets, loud music, NASCAR, wildlife, gardening, baking, and video games. She will be remembered for her remarkable cookie recipes, irreverent humor, expansive kindness, and deep care for her loved ones and people she had barely met.
She is survived by her husband of nearly 50 years Thomas A. Diroll, children Rachel Anne Diroll-Zack and Andrew Thomas Diroll-Black, stepdaughter Stephanie Common-Diroll; grandchildren Sydney, Damian, Nicholas, Zachary, Jillian, Jackson, and Minerva; mother Patricia Ebner; and siblings Judy Shuster, Robin Nolan, Patricia Ebner-Grubb, Charlotte Ebner, James Ebner and John W. Ebner. She was preceded in death by her siblings Terry Anne Kirkpatrick and Thomas Ebner, Jr.
The family would like to thank all of the doctors and staff at University Hospitals Seidman Cancer Center, and all the players around the world Debra met and played with over her 17 years playing World of Warcraft.
Debra requested that there be no calling hours or services–cremation has taken place. In lieu of flowers, memorials should be made to the Portage County APL, P.O. Box 927, Ravenna, Ohio 44266.
The things I didn't say included how she really enjoyed cannabis, hated bullshit, and was a massive hypocrite about almost everything. In a really funny way.
The truth is that this world was cruel to my mother. She had to deal with the things that too often daughters, sisters, wives, and mothers have to endure, for her entire life. The challenges she faced made her cautious about things that she really wanted to do. She would hide candy everywhere because she was afraid people would make fun of her childish eating habits or worse--eat her candy. She made fun of me for being a picky eater my whole life but then refused to even try something that was a clear combination of things she loved (Thai food, lady... THAI FOOD. It's all the things you like, together in a bowl). Her professional and home lives made her vulnerable and shameful for making mistakes. She'd get yelled at or gaslighted for missing a payment or not getting an invoice right. She was always put upon by men who were probably making more missteps than she ever did.
She had to hide purchases from my father because she didn't want to have to explain that she just wanted things. She wasn't buying gold toilet seats, just candy and sweaters and things she liked... but she didn't want to endure the criticism or the questions. She called me up a couple of times to help her pay off her credit cards for this purpose, and I was happy to do so.
Despite all of this, she was so kind. She would put up with almost anyone's shit to a point, tell them it would be OK, that things will be better. She found ways to help people by giving them clothes or buying them a drink or putting them in touch wither lawyer-kid. She would listen to everyone's garbage and moderate Facebook beefs. Oh grodd, the facebook profile my mother left behind is a leftist propaganda wonderland. It's a Daily Kos bumper sticker. So much. SO MUCH.
She was friends with some kid from Brazil in World of Warcraft. She'd give life advice to orcs and night elves and all kinds of weirdos. Some of her WoW friends were people I played with in 2004. It's really odd to see those names in my mom's friends list when I quit playing the game a dozen years ago or more.
So when she died, she didn't leave a massive hole in the world like some celebrity. People will not burn candles and sing in her honor (well, maybe some). She had a small little island that she occupied but it was covered in a kaleidoscope of shiny things. It was a comfortable place despite the sharp edges here and there. It was a reminder that despite the bullshit of the universe, you can still chill out and have fun getting stoned and playing video games.
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